Breathing, grounding, and mindfulness techniques for survivors of narcissistic abuse

Published on: January 29, 2023

by Art Florentyna

Personal Development Coach

The focus of your conscious direction can sway between two poles - outward and inward. In both cases, this concentrated focus can lead you down a never-ending spiral of thoughts and emotions if you do not exercise self-control.

When directing your focus outward, you can be fully attentive to those around you, mindful of your surroundings, and attuned to your environment. However, an overabundance of outward focus may lead to a heightened sensitivity to the emotions and expressions of others, resulting in a detachment from one’s own sense of self and, ultimately, a loss of personal identity.

In contrast, focusing inward can provide valuable insights into one’s own thoughts and emotions. By delving into the inner world, one can process and analyze their experiences, leading to a better understanding of themselves. However, excessive inward focus can foster self-absorption, cloud judgement, and amplify negative feelings to the point of losing control. For instance, it can intensify fears, magnify negative thoughts, and trigger physical symptoms such as anxiety.

Finding balance between these two extremes is crucial for a healthy mental state. Regularly assessing one’s focus and redirecting it towards areas that require strengthening, instead of fixating on either inward or outward focus, is key to maintaining this balance.

The mind is a powerful tool that will take you as far as you direct it to.

Mindfulness practice seeks to find a balance between these two extremes. Instead of solely focusing on the external or internal world, mindfulness aims to bring about a harmonious balance between the two, leading to a greater understanding of both yourself and the world around you. By striking this balance, you can avoid the pitfalls of focusing too much inwards or outwards and experience a deeper sense of inner peace and connection with the world.

Acknowledging your emotions and feelings is important, but it’s equally important not to become too consumed by them to the point of losing touch with reality. At the same time, being mindful of your surroundings is as equally important, but not at the expense of your own identity.

If you find that your focus is unhealthily fixated on an external source that is causing discomfort, try redirecting your focus inward. Focus on the sensation of your feet touching the ground and allow yourself to separate from the external world, knowing that you are in a safe and secure space within yourself.

If you find your thoughts diving too deeply into your fears, bring your focus outwards. Pay attention to where you are and what you are doing. Practice grounding techniques and train yourself to snap out of it when you need to.

Mindfulness helps us to focus on the here and now, allowing us to appreciate the beauty of the present moment.

The Importance of Breathing

Breathing is a fundamental physiological process that plays a critical role in maintaining the balance of the body and mind. Proper breathing helps to regulate the autonomic nervous system, which controls the body’s unconscious actions, such as heart rate, digestion and blood pressure. When we feel scared or panicked, our bodies can enter into a state of heightened physiological arousal, known as the fight-or-flight response. This response is a natural survival mechanism that prepares our body to either confront the perceived threat or flee from it. One of the hallmark signs of this response is rapid, shallow breathing, which can increase our heart rate and blood pressure, and send signals to the brain that reinforce feelings of fear and panic.

However, slowing down our breathing can be a powerful way to counteract the fight-or-flight response and regain a sense of calm. When we take slow, deep breaths, we activate the parasympathetic nervous system, which is responsible for relaxation and rest. This can help us to lower our heart rate, reduce our blood pressure, and send signals to the brain that everything is safe and under control.

Slowing down our breathing can also have a powerful impact on our mental state, helping us to reduce feelings of anxiety, fear, and panic. By focusing our attention on our breath and slowing it down, we can shift our focus away from the external threat and onto our own internal experience. This can help us to feel more grounded, present, and in control of our emotions and reactions.

Box Breathing Technique

• Find a quiet and comfortable place to sit or lie down. Close your eyes and take a deep breath in through your nose, and exhale out through your mouth.
• Begin by inhaling slowly through your nose for a count of four.
• Hold your breath for a count of four.
• Exhale slowly through your mouth for a count of four.
• Hold your breath again for a count of four.
• Repeat this process for several minutes.

Yoga Breathing Technique

• Begin by sitting cross-legged or in a comfortable seated position with a straight spine.
• Place one hand on your chest and the other on your abdomen, near your belly button.
• Take a deep breath in through your nose, allowing your diaphragm (the muscle at the base of your lungs) to expand and push your hand on your abdomen out. Your chest should remain relatively still.
• Exhale slowly through your mouth, allowing your diaphragm to contract and push all the air out of your lungs.
• This is the basic technique of “Ujjayi” breath, also known as “Victorious Breath” in yoga, which is characterized by a soft sound like the ocean and it’s done by slightly constricting the back of the throat.
• Repeat this process for several minutes, focusing on the sound of the breath and the movement of your diaphragm.
• As you become more comfortable with the technique, try to increase the duration of each breath.
• You can also try different variations like adding a word or phrase to your breath, like “relax” or “peace” to help you focus on the breath
• When you’re ready, take one last deep breath in and exhale out. Slowly open your eyes and take a moment to come back to the present before getting up and going on with your day.

Mindfulness Walking Technique

Discover a cozy spot to take a leisurely stroll - whether it’s inside or outside, in the serene natural surroundings or amidst the hustle and bustle of the city.

If you find a grassy area, take a moment to indulge in the earth’s energy by slipping off your shoes and socks and walking barefoot. Begin by focusing on your breath and feeling the sensation of the air as it enters and exits your body.

• Take a deep breath in through your nose and let it out slowly through your mouth.
• Begin your walk at a comfortable pace and pay attention to the sensations of your feet and the ground beneath you. Be mindful of the wind on your face, the sun or rain on your skin, and the sounds and sights around you. Perhaps you’ll notice cars whizzing by, people walking past, trees swaying in the breeze, or even a tiny bug or flower that captures your attention.
• As you walk, focus on the sensations of your feet touching the ground, the movement of your legs, and the rhythm of your breath.
• Try to stay in the present moment and let go of any thoughts or distractions that may arise.
• Notice the sensations of the air on your skin, the sounds of your environment, and the different scents you encounter.
• If your mind begins to wander, gently bring your attention back to the present and focus on your walking.

Repeat this process for several minutes, or until you feel reinvigorated and rejuvenated.

Mindfulness Eating Technique

• Find a peaceful and cozy spot to indulge in your mealtime ritual.
• Take a long, deep breath in through your nose, filling your lungs with fresh air, and release it slowly out of your mouth, feeling any stress or tension leaving your body.
• Take a moment to observe the food on your plate, notice the vibrant colors, the aroma, and texture. Consider the journey the food took to get to your plate, the farmers, the chefs, and all the hands that have contributed to this meal.
• Take a moment to appreciate your food and express gratitude for it.
• As you start eating, take your time and be fully present. Focus on the taste and texture of each bite, and pay attention to how the food feels in your mouth.
• Chew slowly and thoroughly, savoring each bite and allowing yourself to fully experience the flavors.
• Stay focused on the present moment, let go of any worries or distractions.
• Notice how your body feels as you eat and listen to your hunger and fullness signals.
• Avoid distractions such as television, phone, or other electronic devices.
• When you finish your meal, take a deep breath and exhale slowly, feeling grateful for the nourishment you received.

Mindfulness Stress Reduction Technique

• Find a cozy and peaceful nook to nestle into, whether sitting or lying down. Inhale deeply through your nose and exhale through your mouth as you tune into the here and now.
• Instead of fleeing from discomfort, direct your attention to the physical sensations of stress in your body. Take notice of the tightness in your muscles, the pounding in your chest, or the butterflies in your belly.
• Rather than judging these sensations, allow yourself to observe them without bias. Imagine yourself as a curious adventurer, exploring the depths of the unknown. Do anxious thoughts emerge? Instead of shying away from them, approach them with intrigue and wonder. Where do they originate in your body? Do you sense sadness, anger, or exhaustion? Honor your emotions and let them run their course.
• As you focus on your breath and the sensations, you may find that they begin to shift and morph on their own. Release control and allow them to flow organically, much like a river carving its path.
• With each inhale and exhale, maintain an open and curious attitude towards the sensations, as though encountering them for the first time.
• If your mind wanders, gently steer your attention back to your breath and the sensations in your body.
• When you feel ready, take one last deep breath and exhale slowly. Gradually open your eyes and take a moment to reacquaint yourself with the present moment. Welcome the fresh awareness you have gained about yourself and the sensations you encounter. Use this newfound understanding to confront challenges with an open mind and a sense of inquisitiveness.

Learn about the difference between feelings and emotions to regain control over your actions

Published on: January 29, 2023

by Art Florentyna

Personal Development Coach