Finding our Inner Balance, Authenticity and Peace Amidst Chaos

Published on: October 21, 2023

by Art Florentyna

Personal Development Coach

Inner balance, inner peace, calm, and serenity are not states of being that can be achieved through isolating ourselves in a perfect, forever-quiet, candle-lit, and incense-filled sanctuary where negative emotions suddenly and magically cease to exist forever.

Black-and-white thinking, perpetual quests for perfection, the search for external validation or approval, and one’s own emotional suppression are not the solutions that will bring about inner peace and inner balance. In fact, these ways of being may unintentionally generate profound inner conflicts within your subconscious.

In reality, it’s neither healthy nor possible to eliminate the experience of basic emotions such as anger, fear, and sadness, as they are part of our innate human experience. Emotions have existed since the dawn of humanity and are designed to serve as instinctive communication tools that alert us to potential dangers, unhealthy situations, and unsafe people.

Inner balance involves attuning yourself to your inner self while establishing a connection with your physical body and the external world you inhabit. Your center point, where all these experiences converge, is where you’ll discover your balance, true inner peace, and your authentic self. This triangular dynamic, where everything meets at your unified center point, is where you will find your answers.

Genuine inner balance and peace require the conscious effort of bringing the contents of your unconscious mind into awareness.

This process begins with self-awareness, not only in how you speak, treat yourself, and adhere to self-imposed limitations that hinder your potential but also in being mindful of where your focus tends to be. Many of us move through life almost mechanically, often underestimating the power we hold within ourselves. Furthermore, we may remain unaware that a significant part of our inner turmoil arises from our own reinforcement of self-criticism, feelings of inadequacy, self-hatred, weakness, fear, and shame. This negative inner dialogue becomes our reality through our daily automatic choices and actions that align with this unconscious inner script. These are the invisible barriers that impede your self-actualization and hinder your journey toward becoming the person you aspire to be.

While it is important to connect and learn from our interactions with the world, it is just as important to direct your focus to the central point within yourself, where all aspects converge into a unified core. This is why relying solely on external sources will never suffice in attaining the inner peace and balance you seek.

Learning to find your centre point will help bring you to a place of healthy equilibrium, steadiness and peace.

But In order to understand how to achieve this, let’s take a moment to examine how deep the rabbit hole of our own unconscious focus can go.

Your thought process can be compared to standing at the top of a mountain, overlooking a city teeming with possibilities. The cityscape is adorned with shops, skyscrapers, condos, parks, cars, entertainment venues, and more. As you stand there, you are free to focus anywhere you want. So as you survey the scene, a small house captures your attention, prompting you to use a telescope for a closer look. Through the telescope, the house sharpens into focus. Next, you decide to take an even closer look by peering through its window. You notice a kitchen, and so you zoom in further. In the kitchen, there is a counter, and so you hone in on that. On the counter, there is a cup, and you zoom in closer. You zero in on the contents of the cup and discover some tea leaves. Your curiosity drives you to delve deeper into the leaves, and after careful analysis, you realize that this is green tea. So, you hone in further and further, and this process has the potential to continue indefinitely, reaching atomic levels and beyond. However, it’s vital to recognize that as you become absorbed in this process, the bigger picture—the world beyond the cup of tea—gradually recedes into obscurity.

If we apply this visual concept to our inner workings, we can see that the same amplification can occur with any tumultuous thought or emotion we experience. This is how we stray from our center.

Let’s examine the experience of our difficult emotions for a moment.

Feeling fear, when we perceive danger, which is often created by chaos, is a natural and realistic reaction. Fear, in the face of danger, empowers us to recognize threats and take measures to protect ourselves.

If you’ve grown up in a dysfunctional home, many of your fears are a natural and normal response to real and consistent events within what should have been your safe haven. When each instance of expressing an emotion, sharing a different opinion, or attempting to set a boundary resulted in chaos within the environment you grew up in, your fear of this situation repeating in the future is not unfounded; it’s actually your body’s way of communicating with you to be aware of the signs, enabling you to safeguard yourself. Furthermore, in the current tumultuous state of our planet, it’s almost impossible to avoid our fear response from being continuously triggered.

If you find yourself deeply affected by personal experiences or current global events, it’s a sign that you’re firmly grounded in reality. Choosing to deny these concerns and adopting a rose-colored, oblivious perspective is a delusional and unhealthy approach to living.

However, if you become deeply immersed in this funnel of fear, which inadvertently hinders your ability to function, attend to your children’s needs, fulfill daily responsibilities, engage in healthy social interactions, or focus on personal goals, you may find yourself trapped in a relentless cycle of helplessness, existential dread, isolation, and persistent anxiety and despair. This funnel will render you incapable of functioning. In fact, this funnel can be so profound that you may feel like you no longer have permission to exist as your core identity. Instead, your entire identity will revolve around the emotion of fear.

When negative emotions such as fear or anger become our driving force due to unresolved wounds, we tend to react impulsively to anything or anyone that reminds us of those deep wounds, even if in that moment, there is no immediate physical danger and we are not actually threatened. These emotional funnels can obscure the bigger picture, leading us to forget our identity, values, capabilities, intentions, and even the distinction between right and wrong, or good and bad.

It’s possible that even the slightest reminders of our core wounds, like a sound, a place, a symbol, a song, the way a person dresses, a facial expression, an action, or a smell, will send us down the funnels of darkness and despair. Triggers serve as mere reminders of our unresolved wounds, even when they, in themselves, have no direct connection to our previous experiences.

For example, if a song reminds you of an ex-lover with whom the relationship ended poorly, listening to that song may evoke uncomfortable emotions. However, the song. and the songwriter had nothing to do with that relationship. They only served as a reminder, and as a consequence, you experience intense emotions when that song plays. Consequently, you may decide that you now hate that song, you may even want to destroy that song, even though that song was not responsible for your break up. When we allow for any powerful emotion to become the driver, such as fear or anger for example, we will react without being able to differentiate a real threat from a perceived one. Emotions are not logical, they are instincts that serve to protect us.They don’t always see the bigger picture.

Fear of abandonment is another example that can cause us to become entirely lost within emotional funnels. Many of us, survivors of dysfunctional family systems, may have experienced intense anxiety just for even considering the notion of establishing healthy boundaries, even when we found ourselves among safe people. This is because we have been conditioned to believe by our own families that asserting healthy boundaries will lead to chaos and abandonment.

And so, the deep dive begins as we pull out the telescope, losing sight of ourselves and forgetting the here and now, instead obeying the negative script that operates in our unconscious, behind the scenes.

In this boundless dive, guided by the lens of fear, we may become intensely focused on a distressing feeling that convinces us setting boundaries and asserting our individuality will reveal our inherent unworthiness, potentially leading to rejection. This reinforces an even deeper, false, limiting belief that whispers to us that we are nothing and that nobody will ever love us if we reveal our limits or our true selves.

As you do this, you may even notice that behind this fear of asserting yourself may also lay hidden the funnel of shame.

If you have been shamed for your authenticity, for feeling your emotions, for experiencing normal human feelings, for your preferences, appearance, gender, and spirituality, the internal dialogue that is running outside of your conscious awareness, may be telling you that there is something wrong with you, that you are not normal and are flawed in some way.

Diving deep into that feeling of shame, leads to a sense of worthlessness and unworthiness. The more we give in to that funnel, the more we want to hide, and the more we hide, the more we feed the feeling of shame, creating a destructive cycle where once again, we do not give ourselves permission to exist. Our identity revolves around the feeling of shame, and we are no longer anchored to our center point.

If you set aside that metaphorical telescope for a moment and focus on the present moment, you can recognize that surrendering to the funnel of fearful thoughts and feelings not only leads to self-abandonment and a disconnection from your own power but also makes you forget that you have the capacity to love and trust yourself, regardless of who stays or departs from your life.You have the capacity to make decisions that empower you. You will not lose yourself when you assert your individuality, it is when you don’t assert your individuality that you lose yourself, It’s important to start exploring your inner dialogue and identifying the messages you tell yourself, as well as recognizing when you start to dive into the funnel of these messages.

Are you hesitant to assert yourself because, deep down, you believe you’re not worth the effort or that you don’t matter?

Consider redirecting your focus away from emotional drains that pull you down, and instead, direct your attention toward the source. Ask yourself, where do these drains begin? This is show you will become aware of your internal dialogue. becoming conscious of your internal dialogue.

Begin the work of changing this internal dialogue by treating yourself with kindness and compassion, just as you would treat a dear friend.You must establish a dialogue that anchors you to your center point, rather than allowing your center point to revolve around negative dialogues.

Your individuality is as significant as anyone else’s; this is an undeniable truth. If you struggle to recognize this, it’s possible that your intense focus on other people and their opinions has caused a disconnection from your own center point. Instead of remaining anchored within yourself and maintaining a balance between your inner world, your physical self, and the outer world, you might find yourself revolving entirely around external influences, constantly preoccupied with what everyone thinks and feels, thereby losing sight of your inner anchor.

The focus of your conscious direction can sway between two poles: outward and inward.

If you do not exercise self-control and practice bringing yourself back to your center point when you stray too far, that’s when you risk losing yourself.

When directing your focus outward, you can be fully attentive to those around you, mindful of your surroundings, and attuned to your environment. However, an overabundance of outward focus may lead to a heightened sensitivity to the emotions and expressions of others, resulting in a detachment from your own sense of self and, ultimately, a loss of personal identity.

In contrast, focusing inward can provide valuable insights into your own thoughts and emotions. By delving into the inner world, you can process and analyze your experiences, leading to a better understanding of yourself. However, excessive inward focus can foster self-absorption, cloud judgement, and amplify negative feelings to the point of losing control.

Finding a middle point between these two extremes is crucial for the attainment of inner-balance, and inner-peace. Regularly tuning in with your focus and redirecting it towards areas that will strengthen you, is key to maintaining this balance.

The mind is a powerful tool that will take you as far as you direct it to. It will follow your instructions, even if you are not consciously aware of what those instructions are.

Mindfulness practice seeks to find a balance between these two extremes as well as helping you become the observer of your inner dialogue. By striking this balance, and returning to your center point when you stray too far, you can avoid the pitfalls of focusing too much inwards or outwards and experience a deeper sense of inner peace and connection with the world and yourself.

So, you might be wondering, “How do I discover this center point?”

By focusing your attention on your breath and slowing it down, you can shift your focus away from any external or internal chaos you may be experiencing. Breath focus can help you feel more grounded, present, and in control of your emotions and reactions.

Slowing down your breathing can help lower your heart rate, reduce your blood pressure, and send signals to the brain that everything is safe and under control.

Slowing down your breathing can also have a powerful impact on your mental state, helping you to reduce feelings of anxiety, fear, and panic.

Once your breathing focus is in place, bring your attention to your center point.

Discovering your center point can be likened to finding your “physical center of gravity,” as ancient wisdom suggests it’s positioned approximately two inches below your navel. This pivotal location, according to various cultural traditions, signifies not only a physical anchor but also a source of mental and emotional balance. In Chinese culture, it’s referred to as the Lower Dan Tian, while in Japanese traditions, it’s known as the Hara. In Hindu and yogic practices, a similar concept is associated with the Chakras The grounding chakra is often associated with the Root Chakra, also known as the Muladhara in Sanskrit. These diverse traditions all emphasize the significance of this center, promoting inner and outer harmony for a deeper sense of equilibrium in life.

You can direct your conscious focus to this center point right now, and become mindful of what you are experiencing. Don’t try to change anything, simply become the observer of your inner experiences without becoming consumed by them.

You may notice that concentrating on this area brings a feeling of grounding and stability.

Acknowledge how you feel, the messages that your body is sending you and give yourself permission to simply be as you are, in the here and now.

Concentrate on your breath, feel the sensation of your center point, and repeat a mantra that resonates well with you, such as “I love myself,” “I trust myself,” or “I am worthy of love and freedom.” Allow yourself to emotionally detach from the external source of discomfort, understanding that you are in a safe and secure space within yourself.

If you find yourself delving too deeply, with thoughts spiraling into repetitive, anxiety-inducing patterns or emotions that cloud your judgment, redirect your focus towards your center point, become mindful of what you are experiencing and then,when you are ready, focus your attention outward. Pay attention to your surroundings, the people you are with, and the activities you are engaged in. Be present in the here and now.

The next step lies in bringing your focus towards actions you can take that align with your values and empower you.

Always remember, no matter what situation you are in, and no matter where your attention is directed, that you can always ask yourself the vital question:

‘Does this strengthen me or weaken me?’ Does this align to my values?

Your response to this question is uniquely yours, stemming from your inner wisdom. You alone possess the true answer, and you are the sole individual who can act in alignment with that response.

It is essential to recognize that granting yourself permission to embrace moments of stillness and focus on the things that hold meaning for you, things that fill you up and bring you peace, are a fundamental aspect of self-care and will help you develop the resilience that you need to deal with whatever obstacles you encounter.

Within the depths of your being lies a world that is exclusively yours, shaped by your experiences, thoughts, and emotions. It is a unique universe that you are crafting, and you possess the agency to navigate it according to your will, aligning your actions with your intentions and with the direction that you want to go.

By becoming more mindful of the direction of your focus and recognizing that your thoughts provide one perspective, rather than an all-encompassing representation of life as a whole, you can deliberately steer the course of your conscious awareness, teaching yourself that achieving inner balance is entirely in your power.

And always remember that at the core of everything, when you begin to truly learn to love and trust yourself, when you begin to believe in the power of your own center, the answers will become clear.

Published on: October 21, 2023

by Art Florentyna

Personal Development Coach