Healing the scapegoat's Inner Child

Published on: March 6, 2022

by Art Florentyna

Personal Development Coach

Who Is Your Inner Child

The inner child is the childlike aspect of our psyche that embodies our childhood experiences, emotions, and memories. This inner child carries the vulnerabilities, fears, and unmet needs from our formative years, making it particularly important for scapegoats of narcissistic family systems to work with.

This part of you holds onto unresolved pain, trauma, and unmet needs from childhood. It’s also the part of you whose behaviors, beliefs, and coping mechanisms may inadvertently lead to self-sabotaging behaviors.

Acknowledging the pain and vulnerabilities of the inner child fosters a more compassionate relationship with oneself, cultivating a sense of worthiness and self-love that may have been undermined in a narcissistic family environment. Reconnecting with the inner child also empowers one to reclaim agency over their life. By addressing the unmet needs and fears of the inner child, one can make conscious choices that honor their well-being and happiness, breaking free from the constraints and expectations imposed by the narcissistic family system.

It is a known fact that working with the inner child can improve emotional regulation by providing a safe space to express and process suppressed emotions. This can help reduce feelings of shame, guilt, and unworthiness, allowing for greater emotional balance and resilience.

Furthermore, understanding and honoring the needs and boundaries of the inner child can translate into stronger personal boundaries in adult relationships. This newfound assertiveness and self-awareness can help protect against future manipulation and abuse, fostering healthier and more fulfilling connections.

When Connecting with the Inner Child

Connecting with your inner child can be a powerful and healing experience, but it’s important to be aware of a few things:

• Be prepared for emotions to arise. As you connect with your inner child, you may start to feel emotions that you haven’t experienced in a long time. It’s important to be gentle with yourself and allow these emotions to surface without judgment.
• Create a safe and nurturing environment. Make sure you are in a comfortable and private space where you can connect with your inner child without distractions. Consider lighting candles, playing calming music, or using other sensory tools to help create a calming and nurturing environment.
• Use gentle and compassionate language. As you communicate with your inner child, use language that is gentle, kind, and compassionate. Imagine that you are speaking to a younger version of yourself who needs love and support.
• Practice active listening. When connecting with your inner child, it’s important to actively listen to what they have to say. Pay attention to their needs, desires, and fears, and try to respond with empathy and understanding.
• Set healthy boundaries. If you start to feel overwhelmed or anxious during your inner child work, it’s important to set healthy boundaries and take a break if needed. It’s also important to remember that your inner child is a part of you, but not all of you, and that you have the power to choose how you want to integrate this work into your life.

Connecting to the Inner Child

Journaling

To use journaling to reconnect with your inner child, set aside some time each day to write down memories, feelings, and experiences from your childhood. Reflect on how these experiences have shaped you and consider what needs your inner child might have that have gone unmet.

Here are some journaling prompts that can help you connect with your inner child:

• Do you feel safe right now?
• What is one thing you wanted to do or be when you were a child? How does that relate to what you want now in your adult life?
• What are some of the emotions you remember feeling frequently as a child? How do those emotions still show up in your adult life?
• Can you accept that you were a child and could not fix the situation? Can you accept that you have nothing to feel bad about?
• Which unhelpful feelings or ideas did you get from someone in your childhood?
• What mistakes do you think you make and repeat? Why?
• Write down activities you enjoyed as a child. Can you make time for them?
• What were your childhood dreams and aspirations? How can you make them a reality in your adult life?
• What characteristics or traits did you have as a child that you still have?

Creativity

To use creativity to reconnect with your inner child, try engaging in activities that you enjoyed as a child, such as drawing, painting, or writing. Allow yourself to tap into the emotions and needs of your inner child without judgment.

Here are some creative prompts that can help you reconnect with your inner child:

• Draw a picture of yourself as a child. Use colors and shapes to express how you felt as a child.
• Create a vision board of your childhood dreams and aspirations.
• Write a letter to your inner child. Share your thoughts and feelings and offer them support and encouragement.
• Make a collage of images that represent your inner child.
• Create a playlist of songs that make you feel good.
• Write a short story or poem from the perspective of your inner child.
• Create a sensory box filled with items that remind you of your childhood, like a favorite toy or a special scent.

Making Play a Part of Your Routine

Integrating play into your daily routine is an effective way to connect with your inner child and infuse more joy and creativity into your life. Keep in mind that play isn’t just for children; it’s an essential aspect of being human and can benefit people of all ages. Neglecting to make time for play can be detrimental to your mental health, which is why it’s crucial to allow yourself to unwind and relish in the simple pleasures that life has to offer. By doing so, you can reap immense benefits for your overall well-being.

• Rediscover old childhood hobbies: Think back to what you loved doing as a child. Did you enjoy drawing, painting, playing sports, or building with Lego? Try to pick up one of these hobbies again and allow yourself to get lost in the activity, without any pressure or expectation.
• Get physical: Engage in physical activities that allow you to let loose and have fun. Consider trying dance, trampoline jumping, or going for a bike ride. Not only are these activities good for your body, but they can also help release any built-up tension and stress.
• Play games: Games are a great way to bring playfulness into your life. You could try board games, card games, or video games. Remember to choose games that you genuinely enjoy playing, rather than games that you think you should play.
• Play with kids: Playing with children can be a great way to tap into your own inner child. Kids are naturally playful, and spending time with them can help you rediscover the joy and wonder of childhood. If you’re not sure how to connect with your inner child, simply observing children at play can provide inspiration.

Published on: March 6, 2022

by Art Florentyna

Personal Development Coach