How do I know that I come from a narcissistic family dynamic

Published on: May 17, 2024

That didn’t happen.

And if it did, it wasn’t that bad.

And if it was, it’s not a big deal.

And if it is, it’s not my fault.

And if it was I didn’t mean it.

And if I did, you made me do it.

(author unknown)

Healthy Vs. Narcissistic Families

The notion that “no family is without flaws” is often used to dismiss the serious realities of dysfunctional families. Families, like most things in life, exist on a spectrum of how well they function. While no family is perfect, there’s a significant distinction between healthy and dysfunctional family dynamics.

Healthy parents possess a good sense of self-awareness and emotional attunement with their children. This allows them to make decisions guided by wisdom and a deep sense of responsibility, prioritizing their children’s well-being. When faced with their child’s behavioral challenges, they don’t shy away from introspection. They actively seek the root cause—is it bullying, parental conflict, poor communication, or unmet needs?

Furthermore, healthy parents understand that navigating emotions is new terrain for a child. They use communication, teachings, and empathy to help their children navigate these scary emotions. By addressing these issues at their source, they become the child’s safe space, safeguarding their emotional, physical, and psychological well-being.

Children, like impressionable sponges, readily absorb the behaviors and attitudes they observe in their caregivers. Healthy parents recognize this and strive to model healthy practices and coping mechanisms for navigating life’s challenges. This doesn’t mean perfection, but rather an effort to manage their own emotions and avoid burdening their children with adult problems.

Healthy families provide a safe space for exploration, self-expression, and learning from mistakes without judgment (and within reason of course). Children are encouraged to pursue their passions, develop their talents, and chase their dreams. In essence, mutual respect and empathy form the foundation of a healthy family. These qualities create a nurturing environment where children feel safe, supported, and empowered to reach their full potential.

Be assured, the hallmarks of a healthy family are genuine. Dismissing them as an illusion is a form of gaslighting. Dysfunctional families will often deny their dysfunction, leaving those who see it for what it is bewildered, confused, guilty and silenced.

Therefore, let’s shed some light on the other end of the spectrum. Narcissistic families create a toxic blend of conditional love, control, invalidation, and emotional manipulation. At the helm of this chaotic symphony is typically an emotionally dysregulated, emotionally neglectful, and antagonistic caretaker or influential family member. This central figure will treat their own children as mere extensions of themselves, emotional outlets, trophies for display, or disposable emotional trashcans. If the family suffers from the misfortune of having two narcissistic parents, the triangular dynamics become even more daunting for the children.

In this type of dysfunctional environment, mistakes are deemed unforgivable, denial is rampant, accusations are constant, and any attempt at self-growth that deviates from the narcissist’s “vision,” unrealistic expectations, needs, and desires is demonized. This stifling atmosphere leads to a culture where everyone must walk on eggshells to avoid the narcissist’s unpredictable emotional outbursts, and any expression of dissent or non-conformity is met with shaming, criticism, and, most significantly, the withholding of love.

Most family members in a narcissistic family system are compelled to navigate the tumultuous waters of the narcissist’s tantrums to evade further conflict. This dynamic fosters a system centered around appeasing the unappeasable. Although this will be vociferously denied when confronted, the reality remains that only one person is permitted to freely express a full spectrum of emotions without facing consequences.

The narcissist’s constant roller coasters of mood swings, harmful behaviors, loss of touch with reality, complete disregard for how their behavior affects other family members, unrealistic expectations, blame-shifting, and at times, never-ending victimhood narrative are often excused and rationalized to “keep the family peace.” It is precisely because of the enablers’ compliance that the wheel of the dysfunctional family system keeps on spinning.

A telltale sign of a narcissistic family upbringing is consistently skewed priorities, with a perpetual malcontent at the center of it all.

Recognizing a Narcissistic Personality

People with a narcissistic personality style tend to have an inflated sense of self-importance and an inaccurate perception of their abilities and qualities. They often see themselves as superior to others and, paradoxically, believe they are generous and empathetic humanitarians who are not appreciated enough. They may use their selective kindness, generous deeds, and even tragic life stories to manipulate those around them. This creates a confusing dynamic where their positive actions seem to negate their harmful behavior. However, the reality is that these acts are often self-serving and fail to acknowledge the impact of their toxicity and abuse, particularly on those closest to them, especially their children.

It’s important to note that the expression of these traits can vary greatly. Narcissistic personality exists on a spectrum, with some exhibiting mild characteristics and others meeting the criteria for Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD).

Common narcissistic traits include:

Inflated Self-Importance and Grandiosity:

Narcissists often view themselves as superior to others, exaggerating their abilities, talents, and achievements. They may believe they are uniquely gifted or destined for greatness. This inflated sense of self-importance manifests in a constant need for admiration and recognition.

Lack of Empathy:

Contrary to their self-perception, narcissists struggle to understand and share the feelings of others. They may even exhibit “mirroring” behavior, mimicking emotions to appear empathetic, but true emotional connection is absent. This lack of empathy can manifest in various ways, from dismissing another’s pain to actively enjoying another’s misfortune.

Excessive Need for Admiration:

Narcissists crave constant praise and validation, often manipulating situations to secure it. They may become envious of others who receive recognition and may belittle others’ achievements to feel superior.

Entitlement and Arrogance:

Narcissists believe they deserve special treatment and are exempt from rules that apply to others. They may feel entitled to favors, privileges, and the best of everything. This entitlement fuels an arrogant attitude, where they view others with disdain.

Superficial Relationships:

Narcissists prioritize outward appearances and status symbols over genuine connections. They may form relationships based on what others can offer them in terms of admiration or validation, rather than a deeper emotional connection.

Unstable Emotions and Hypersensitivity to Criticism:

While they project an image of confidence, narcissists have fragile egos and struggle to regulate their emotions. Any perceived slight or criticism can trigger feelings of rage, humiliation, or shame.

Exploitation and Manipulation:

Narcissists view others as tools to serve their needs and desires. They may manipulate situations or use guilt trips to get what they want from others, often leaving a trail of emotional damage in their wake.

The Subtypes of Narcissism

As I embarked further on my journey to comprehend narcissism and its implications in my life, I unearthed that although there isn’t an official clinical diagnosis for distinct subtypes of narcissism, peer-reviewed studies have recognized certain types, while mental health experts have informally labeled and brought attention to others. This implies that the quantity of narcissistic subtypes remains fluid. Nonetheless, discernible patterns often surface, underscoring the complex and diverse spectrum of narcissistic conduct.

Grandiose Narcissist: Craves admiration, throws tantrums when things don’t go their way. Parents prioritize appearances over emotional needs of the child.
Malignant Narcissist: Uses fear and control, prone to aggression and manipulation. Others’ needs are irrelevant, power and dominance are key.
Covert Narcissist: Plays the victim, uses guilt trips for attention. Manipulates children with vulnerability to gain control.
Communal Narcissist: Appears selfless, uses charity for validation. Neglects children’s needs while seeking public praise.
Somatic Narcissist: Obsessed with appearance, uses body to gain attention. Entitled and expects others to cater to them.
Cerebral Narcissist: Believes they are intellectually superior, uses intelligence to control. Lacks empathy and feels entitled to admiration.
Sexual Narcissist: Uses sexuality for power and validation. Exploits partners for gratification, lacks empathy.
Neglectful Narcissist: Self-centered and indifferent, uses others for personal gain. Emotionally distant and uninvolved in children’s lives.
Self-righteous Narcissist: Morally superior, judgmental, and critical. Rigid and controlling, uses money as punishment.
Spiritual Narcissist: Uses religion or spirituality for control and admiration. Avoids accountability by hiding behind beliefs.
Generational/Cultural Narcissist: Influenced by historical context, patterns run deep in families. Often found in cultures with division and oppression.

Children’s Family Roles

Parenting has a significant impact on a child’s psychological growth. In a narcissistic family environment that is plagued by dysfunction, the child is treated as an extension of the narcissistic parent and is expected to align with the parent’s needs and wants, rather than being encouraged to develop their own unique identity. This lack of self-differentiation from the parent can lead to the child feeling suffocated and lacking the ability to develop a sense of individually, and self-confidence.

Narcissistic parents tend to assign children into three distinct roles. These roles can shift based on the relationship between the parent and the child, and may even differ between the two parents if there are two narcissistic individuals in the household.

Golden Child: This child is the parent’s favorite and embodies their idealized image of perfection. The parent may live vicariously through the Golden Child, who experiences immense pressure to maintain the illusion of perfection.
Scapegoat Child: This child is viewed as inadequate and is used as a target for the parent’s anger, frustration, and dysfunctions. The Scapegoat Child is often subject to excessive criticism, abuse, and is labeled as problematic.
Invisible/Lost Child: This child is ignored and their basic needs are neglected by the parent, who shows little interest or awareness of their existence.

In addition to the main roles, children in a dysfunctional narcissistic family may adopt different coping mechanisms. These can include:

The Truth Teller: A child who recognizes the reality of the family dynamic and may question the “normality” of their experiences.
The Hero/Responsible Child: Often the eldest, this child may become a perfectionist and strive for high levels of success in order to hide the dysfunction of their family from others.
The Caretaker/Peacemaker/Fixer Child: This child takes on the role of a caretaker and peacemaker, but at the expense of their own well-being.
The Mascot/Clown Child: Using humor as a defense mechanism, this child distracts from the pain within the household.
The Mini Me Child: This child may develop narcissistic traits themselves as a result of mimicking the parent’s behavior.

The Enablers

If the narcissist is a locked door, the enablers are the key that opens it, and the foot that prevents the door from closing.

Many survivors of narcissistic abuse struggle to understand the reasons behind their continued suffering, often without realizing that a key contributor to the cycle of abuse lies in the actions and inactions of enablers.

Enablers, Are the Narcissist’s Fixers

A narcissist’s grip on power is not the product of any gift or skill they possess, but rather from their drive and fixation on manipulating those in their circle to get what they want. This web of control is the cornerstone of their kingdom, but just like any empire, it needs faithful servants to maintain their image, carry out their commands, and sing their praises. Without these loyal followers, their mask falls and their rule crumbles.

The presence of enablers is crucial for a narcissistic system to exist. Without them, the narcissist would be held accountable for their actions; there would be no more abuse, no more blame shifting, and no more normalization of harm.

In a narcissistic family system, enablers are often family members or friends who have formed some sort of attachment to the narcissist, sometimes long before the family scapegoat was born. In the case of siblings, this could have happened if they were the selected favorite and have been manipulated to view the scapegoat’s mistreatment as deserved due to their “bad character,” so to speak.

While some enablers may have shown kindness to the scapegoat and not been the source of abuse, their attachment to the narcissist always affects their decision-making, which, at the end of the day, has devastating consequences for the narcissist’s main targets in the family.

Common Types of Enablers

The Pollyanna Enabler focuses on the positive qualities of the narcissistic family member and disregards or minimizes their negative behavior, even when the family scapegoat is being unfairly targeted.
The Co-dependent Enabler supports the narcissistic family member’s behavior by providing emotional, psychological, or physical support, perpetuating their dependence.
The Martyr Enabler sacrifices their own needs to meet the needs of the narcissistic family member, even at the cost of neglecting their own children’s emotional needs.
The Silent Enabler doesn’t speak out against the narcissistic family member’s behavior, goes along with it even when they’re aware of the harm.
The Satellite Enabler orbits around the narcissistic family member, like for example a family friend who visits occasionally, and supports the narcissist.
The Co-narcissist Enabler has their own narcissistic traits and forms a codependent relationship with the narcissistic family member.
The Outlaw Enabler defies the narcissistic family member when they are not around, but still enables their behavior through their silence or loyalty to the family.
The People Pleaser Enabler always tries to please others, including the narcissistic family member, even when it means ignoring the mistreatment of the family scapegoat.
The Mini-me Enabler strives to emulate the behavior and traits of the narcissistic family member.
The Flying Monkey Enabler actively participates in the abuse and manipulation orchestrated by the narcissistic family member. These are individuals who act as the messengers and enforcers of the narcissist’s agenda. They may deliver messages, ultimatums, weaponize guilt to draw the scapegoat back into the system, spread rumors, or isolate the victim from other family members.

Narcissistic Supply

Narcissistic supply refers to the attention, admiration, and validation that a narcissist constantly seeks from their environment to appease their inner chaos. They are emotional and psychological vampires who feed off the energy and emotions of others. If they don’t receive the admiration or validation they seek, they will try to extract it from their victims by exploiting their vulnerabilities through emotional manipulation to evoke strong emotions. The stronger the emotions evoked in their targets, the more relief the narcissist feels.

This behavior is cyclical, and the narcissist will do it regularly. By exploiting their victims’ discomfort and vulnerabilities through their antagonism, they further reinforce their sense of power and control.

Examples of how a narcissist might act to get supply include:

Playing the victim: The narcissist may play the victim in order to evoke sympathy and attention from others. For example, they might make exaggerated claims about the difficulties they are facing, or use self-pity as a way to manipulate others.
Triangulation: The narcissist may create conflict between two people and then insert themselves into the middle as the “mediator”. This allows them to feel powerful and in control as they manipulate the situation and receive attention from both parties.
Gaslighting: The narcissist may manipulate others by denying reality, making false claims, or trying to discredit others in order to maintain control and power in the relationship.
Drama and conflict: The narcissist may create drama or conflict in order to receive attention from others. For example, they might start arguments, provoke others, or engage in behaviors that are designed to cause a reaction.
Playing the hero: The narcissist may present themselves as a hero in order to receive praise and admiration from others. They may exaggerate their accomplishments, take credit for the accomplishments of others, or manipulate situations so that they can be seen as the hero.

In all these cases, the goal is the same: to receive attention and validation from others. The more intense the emotions that are evoked, the greater the sense of power and control the narcissist feels, and the more narcissistic supply they receive.

Gaslighting

Gaslighting is a form of emotional and psychological manipulation in which a person or group makes another person doubt their own perception of reality or sanity. The gaslighter uses a variety of tactics to distort, manipulate, and undermine their victim’s perceptions and sense of self, often leaving them feeling confused, anxious, and uncertain.

Gaslighting can take many forms, including:

Denying the victim’s experiences or memories.
Dismissing the victim’s emotions or feelings.
Making the victim doubt their own judgment or sanity.
Questioning the victim’s perception of reality.
Using lies or half-truths to manipulate the victim’s understanding of a situation.
Twisting facts or events to make the victim appear irrational or unstable.
Blaming the victim for things that are not their fault.

The effects of gaslighting can be long-lasting and damaging, often leading to feelings of self-doubt, confusion, anxiety, and even depression. Victims of gaslighting may struggle to trust their own thoughts and feelings, and may feel isolated and alone. Gaslighting is a dangerous and manipulative tactic that is often employed by narcissists and their enablers to control the designated scapegoat.

To illustrate this point, consider a scenario in which a narcissistic parent accuses the family’s scapegoat of “rejecting the family”. Despite the scapegoat’s repeated attempts to communicate and establish boundaries with the parent, they eventually made the difficult decision to prioritize their mental health by limiting their interactions. The parent’s accusation of rejection is a classic example of gaslighting, in which the abuser distorts the reality of the situation to paint the victim as the aggressor, absolving themselves of any blame.

Triangulation

Triangulation is a manipulation tactic that involves bringing a third person into a conflict or relationship to diffuse the tension or shift the focus of attention away from the manipulator’s behavior. This third person could be anyone - a family member, friend, coworker, or even a pet.

In a typical triangulation scenario, the manipulator will speak to the third person about the victim or the conflict in a way that portrays the victim negatively or minimizes the manipulator’s role in the situation. This can create confusion and a sense of betrayal for the victim, as they may feel like they are being ganged up on or that their perspective is not being heard.

Triangulation is a manipulative tactic narcissists use in families. They bring in a third person to:

Shift blame away from themselves.
Make the victim feel isolated and unheard.
Control the family narrative and maintain their authority.

This “us vs. them” game creates a toxic environment where truth is distorted and family members are pitted against each other.

Smear Campaigns

A smear campaign is a calculated and deliberate attempt to damage an individual’s reputation and credibility. Narcissists, driven by their need to be perceived as infallible, will go to great lengths to preserve their image and suppress any information that could tarnish it. This includes discrediting those who they perceive as a threat to their image, particularly when the scapegoat decides to cut ties with the narcissist. Narcissists will often portray themselves as the victim, falsely accusing their child of terrible behavior, and falsely claiming to have done everything for them, in order to maintain control and manipulate the perceptions of others.

Emotional Incest

In cases of emotional incest, a parent may rely on their child for emotional support and comfort, instead of seeking help from other adults. This can happen in many ways, including:

Sharing inappropriate details about their personal life: For instance, a father might confide in his teenage daughter about his sexual problems with his wife, or a mother might tell her son about her marital problems.
Treating the child as a surrogate partner: In some cases, a parent may seek emotional intimacy with their child that is more appropriate for a romantic partner. This can involve sharing secrets or engaging in inappropriate physical contact, such as cuddling or sleeping in the same bed.
Pressuring the child to meet their emotional needs: A parent might make their child feel guilty or responsible for their emotional well-being. For example, a mother might say to her son, “I don’t know what I’d do without you. You’re the only one who really understands me.”

When a parent engages in emotional incest, it can put a heavy burden on the child and interfere with their normal development. The child may feel responsible for the parent’s emotional well-being, which can lead to anxiety, depression, and other emotional problems. They may also struggle to form healthy relationships with peers and partners, since they have learned that emotional intimacy involves taking on adult responsibilities rather than just being a child.

Enmeshment

Enmeshment is a family dynamic in which there is a lack of clear boundaries and differentiation between family members. This can occur in many ways, including:

Over-involvement in each other’s lives: The parents may make all decisions for the family as a unit, rather than allowing each individual to have their own autonomy. For example, parents might insist that their adult children live at home and follow certain rules, even if the children are ready to move out and live independently.
Sharing too much information: Family members may share excessive amounts of personal information, blurring boundaries between what’s appropriate and inappropriate. For instance, a mother might expect her daughter to disclose intimate details about her sex life and may resort to shaming or guilt-tripping to coerce her into sharing private information. Additionally, such a parent might invade their adult child’s privacy by snooping through their belongings, monitoring their social media activities, or intruding into their personal space without permission, such as entering their apartment without knocking or being invited.
Emotional enmeshment: Some families experience emotional enmeshment, where boundaries are so blurred that individual decision-making becomes difficult to separate from collective decision-making. For example, even if an adult son is already married with children, he may feel compelled to seek his mother’s approval before making any major decisions that concern his work, wife or kids. Similarly, a mother may become overly invested in her son’s life choices and disregard the presence of that son’s spouse, causing tension among family members and unwanted triangulation in the son’s marriage.

Parentification

Parentification can occur in families where one or more adult members are unable to fulfill their caregiving roles and the child is expected to fulfill such a role. For example, a child or teen may be expected to take care of their younger siblings, prepare meals for the family, or provide the family with financial assistance. They may also be expected to mediate family fights, play the therapist and constantly soothe an emotionally dysregulated parent.

In addition to missing out on normal childhood experiences, parentified children can also develop a sense of guilt and shame if they feel like they are not doing enough to care for their family. They may struggle with feelings of inadequacy and may have difficulty forming healthy relationships with peers due to their heightened sense of responsibility.

Parentification can also have a significant impact on a child’s development. For example, if they are expected to constantly soothe an emotionally dysregulated parent, they may not have the opportunity to engage in age-appropriate activities or receive the guidance and attention they need. This can result in stunted emotional and social development and difficulty forming healthy relationships later in life.

Furthermore, parentification can lead to role reversal where the child assumes the role of the caregiver, while the parent becomes emotionally dependent on them. This can be a form of emotional abuse and can create a sense of confusion for the child, who may not fully understand the dynamics of their relationship with their parent. It can also be difficult for the child to transition out of this role, even as they become an adult, and can lead to ongoing emotional and psychological difficulties.

Infantilizing

Narcissistic parents may use infantilizing tactics to maintain control over their child, create a dependency on the parent, and undermine the child’s sense of self-worth.

Some common examples of infantilizing:

Overprotection: The narcissistic parent may overly coddle their growing child, teen, or young adult, treating them as fragile and incapable of handling the world independently.
Control: The narcissistic parent may impose their decisions upon their growing child, teen, or young adult without considering their input, disregarding their autonomy even when they are capable of making their own choices.
Belittling: The narcissistic parent may use patronizing language or belittle their growing child, teen, or young adult’s achievements, downplaying their successes and highlighting their failures.
Infantilizing language: The narcissistic parent may address their growing child, teen, or young adult with infantilizing language such as baby talk or pet names, dismissing their maturity and individuality.
Ignoring boundaries: The narcissistic parent may disregard the boundaries and personal space of their growing child, teen, or young adult, invading their privacy and denying them autonomy.

Cognitive Dissonance

Cognitive dissonance is the story that people tell themselves to avoid disrupting their original beliefs, even in the face of contradictory facts. When people have a strong attachment to a particular belief, they tend to cling to it, regardless of evidence to the contrary. To maintain their belief, they may try to rationalize, find explanations, and make excuses, rather than questioning or revising their beliefs. This helps them hold onto their beliefs, despite contradicting evidence.

For example, the spouse of a narcissistic mother may experience cognitive dissonance when they witness the mother’s abusive behavior towards the scapegoated child. They may struggle to reconcile the image of their partner as a loving and caring person with the reality of their partner’s harmful actions. To ease this discomfort, the partner may try to justify the narcissist’s behavior by blaming the child’s adventurous temperament, making excuses for the narcissist’s actions, or downplaying the severity of the abuse.

Cognitive dissonance can also play a role in the behavior of the narcissists themselves. They may justify their own abusive actions by believing that they are superior to others and therefore entitled to treat people poorly. They may also use cognitive dissonance to maintain their false image of themselves as a kind and generous person, despite their harmful behavior.

In both cases, the person is seeking to reduce their discomfort by aligning their thoughts and actions with their beliefs, even if those beliefs are distorted or harmful. It is important to recognize and address cognitive dissonance in order to break free from toxic patterns of behavior.

When the Scapegoat Leaves

When the scapegoat considers going no contact with a narcissistic parent, they must factor in that they will be leaving the entire system that operates around enabling a narcissist.

What my personal experience and research has taught me, is that that there will be no introspection upon the scapegoat’s departure. Instead, the narcissist will embark on a smear campaign, claiming victimhood and other falsehoods, all in the guise of maintaining the image of the martyr. Meanwhile, the roles within the narcissistic family system will be redistributed; the narcissist always needs someone to blame, and another will be selected as their new source of supply.

The family dysfunction will continue because for meaningful change to occur, each person must take accountability for normalizing the workings of an unhealthy household. This is something that is most likely not going to happen. When the scapegoat lays down the final boundary to protect themselves from further harm, the show will only go on without them.

Leaving a narcissistic family system can be a harrowing experience, as it means losing more than just one parent, but the entire family unit. This heightens the already unbearable pain of the victim and forces them on a difficult journey. Many survivors choose the path of no contact as a last resort for the sake of their emotional and mental well-being, but this leaves them to confront their trauma solo, with a heavy burden resting on their shoulders.

However, beyond the grief, there is also life.

It is normal and healthy to grieve in the aftermath of leaving the narcissistic family system. I can attest to the indescribable pain of leaving behind those I once held dear. The darkness and sadness of abandonment is like a bottomless pit. When the people who are supposed to protect you, your own blood family, abandon you for being too sick to continue a relationship which has caused you too much harm, and which is the very reason why you got sick in the first place, it is only unfair.

But at the end of the day, you cannot control how a person reacts to your limits or boundaries. Your limits have been reached, and that is it. Every human being on earth has limits, and this is normal.

What is not normal is how people in dysfunctional families seem to feel that there is no such thing as a boundary or a limit unless it is their own.

It is an enabling, toxic, rampant and dysfunctional belief, that if they can handle the toxic behaviors of a dysregulated narcissistic family member, then everyone should do the same in the name of “love”. But should one family member voice their pain, express that their limits have been breached, or worse, get sick from the dysfunction, it’s only because “they didn’t try hard enough”, “are disloyal to the family”, “are weak”, “irrational” and must therefore be disowned for their transgressions.

This is what “love” is like in a narcissistic family system.

Now Here Is What a Sane and Healthy Person Has to Say to You Instead:

Families are homes built on a foundation of trust and love. A toxic family can never be a home, because the foundation doesn’t exist. A good family will see your boundaries and move around them, a toxic family won’t even realize they’re there. (Authors Unknown)

As a human being, you are entitled to the same rules of decency and dignity as everyone else. This means you have the right to peace, emotional safety, privacy, respect, and especially sanity. You also have the right to choose your relationships; this means that it is within your right to say no to unhealthy and unsafe people in your life. It is no one else’s prerogative to decide who is safe or unsafe for you, but your own, and anyone who does not respect this is unsafe for you.

Limits are normal, and boundaries are healthy. Money or favors do not cancel out abuse.

Your trauma is not measured in a currency that can be bought off and cancelled out in exchange for other goods.

You have the right to dream and pursue goals that are your own. You have a right to get angry when someone hurts you. You have the right to prioritize your mental health and do not owe anyone a relationship.

These are your rights, not privileges, contrary to the false beliefs that a narcissistic family system may try to force upon you.

As a survivor, you possess a strength and resilience that is unmatched. It is now time to trust yourself and make every step forward centred around your well-being, peace, happiness, and safety. Step back and view the situation objectively to see the truth of what has been happening to you.

This journey towards healing has its challenges, but it is necessary. You deserve to live your life in a peaceful, safe, and validating environment. That is your right. Each small step towards self-care is a victory. Every time you bring your attention inward and ensure that your emotional, physical, and psychological health is prioritized, you win.