How do I know that I'm triggered
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Triggers are created through painful life experiences and the perceptions that we hold about such experiences.
They are indications of past unresolved pain and can creep up on you when you least expect them to.
“Being triggered” means that we suddenly re-experience the emotional sensations of a traumatic past event, as if it was happening all over again and project it onto our immediate environment. All it takes is a reminder which can be as subtle as a visual cue, a smell, a sound, an object, a facial expression, a song, even a conversation can be triggering. This subtle reminder acts as a time machine for our body and unknowingly brings us back in time.
Triggers affect our emotional responses, even when we no longer remember the past event that caused them. Our emotions may be “trapped” in our body, and can be triggered by subtle cues, causing us to react in ways that are not appropriate for the current situation.
To cope with this stress, the body utilizes the “flight, fight, freeze, or fawn” response. These four responses refer to the main ways in which people react to feeling threatened or stressed.
- “Flight” refers to the tendency to avoid or run away from the situation.
- “Fight” refers to the tendency to confront or attack the situation.
- “Freeze” refers to the tendency to become paralyzed or numb in response to the situation.
- “Fawn” refers to the tendency to placate or accommodate the source of the threat in an attempt to avoid conflict or harm.
These responses are often automatic and are triggered by the body’s sympathetic nervous system in response to perceived threats. In other words, being triggered is physical.
The activation of the sympathetic nervous system leads to the release of stress hormones like adrenaline and cortisol, which can cause physical changes in the body.
When these responses are activated in relationships, it can lead to negative consequences. For example, the flight response can lead to avoiding important conversations or distancing from the partner. The fight response can lead to aggressive or violent behaviors. The freeze response can lead to shutting down emotionally and not communicating effectively. The fawn response can lead to people giving in to demands or tolerating harmful behavior.
When we are triggered, we are fighting the demons of our past.
Our emotions are responding to past pain and trauma, rather than the present. It’s important to become aware of these unconscious reactions and to work on understanding and identifying our triggers in order to manage them, and to prevent them from continuing to affect our lives negatively.
Detecting Your Triggers
To detect a trigger, pay attention to any sudden and overwhelming emotional responses that you may experience throughout the day. These emotional responses may include feelings of anger, fear, sadness, guilt, or shame. Look out for physical sensations such as a racing heart, sweating, shaking, or difficulty breathing. These can all be indicators that you are being triggered. Additionally, if you find yourself having an intense urge to fight, run, fawn or freeze, even when there is no immediate danger, this could also be a sign that you are being triggered.
Keep track of your thoughts, feelings and actions when you experience intense emotions. It can also be helpful to reflect on past traumatic experiences and see if certain situations, words, or people remind you of those experiences, and if they lead to an emotional response.
Triggers can be different for everyone, and what triggers one person may not trigger another. It can take time and effort to identify your own triggers, but once you do, you can take steps to manage and overcome them.
Examples of Triggers
- A girl who has been given the silent treatment by a parent as a child might panic at an unanswered text and abruptly end the relationship without getting the facts first. The unanswered test brought her back to the trauma of parental emotional abuse.
- A husband who grew up in a raging home avoids important conversations with his wife that are necessary for the growth of the relationship “If we don’t talk about it, the problem doesn’t exist”’ His subconscious belief that disagreements equate rage, triggers the flight response when confronted with an issue.
- A person who has been diagnosed with a chronic illness might be triggered by conversations about their illness or by physical symptoms that remind them of their condition.
- An individual who has experienced a miscarriage might be triggered by conversations about pregnancy or by seeing babies and young children.
- A person who has been through a natural disaster might be triggered by weather warnings or by the sight of destruction.
- Someone who has grown up in a home where there where often fights around dinner time, might be triggered by certain food smells or tastes.
- An individual who has been through a difficult breakup might be triggered by certain songs or movies that they associate with the relationship.
- A person who has been through a traumatic accident might be triggered by the sight of similar vehicles or objects that remind them of the accident.
- An individual who has been through a difficult job loss might be triggered by conversations about layoffs or by the sight of their former employer.
- A person who has been through a difficult move might be triggered by the sight of a similar home or neighborhood.
- An individual who has been through a difficult family situation might be triggered by the presence of certain family members or by discussions about family dynamics.
- A person who has been through a difficult education experience might be triggered by the sight of their former school or by discussions about their education history.
- A person who has been chronically invalidated by their family, might be triggered by another person accidentally being distracted during a conversation as it reminds them of the past experiences of not being heard and understood, which could falsely lead to feeling unimportant and not valued.
Identifying your triggers is an important step in managing emotional responses.
It’s important to reflect on past traumatic experiences and see if they have a connection with your current automatic responses.
Possible Trauma Triggers
Our past traumas and experiences shape our emotional responses to present situations. Unexpected triggers can cause us to react in ways that may not be appropriate for the current situation. To manage our triggers, it is crucial to communicate clearly with those around us and remove ourselves from triggering situations as soon as we become aware of our internal struggle.
Although communication is important, we must remember that others are not responsible for keeping us calm. While we can share what we’re going through, we need to manage our expectations of how much others can do for us. Expecting people to tiptoe around our triggers or getting upset with them for triggering us perpetuates trauma. Our triggers come from the past, and the people we love should not have to pay the price for what a dysregulated narcissistic parent did. They have done enough damage already. Instead, we must fiercely protect those we love from ever experiencing what we went through and become a shield that stops this type of energy from spreading further.
To manage our triggers effectively, it’s important to seek help from a support group or professional when necessary, rather than relying on our loved ones to constantly tend to them. We must train ourselves to remove ourselves from triggering situations, wait for the feeling to pass, and focus on understanding where it came from and how we may resolve it. This type of work must be done internally. Others can’t fix it for us. This is not in anyone’s control but your own.
Practicing self-care and giving ourselves permission to release our pent-up emotions through safe outlets is crucial, without causing harm to ourselves or others. By doing so, we can prevent further damage caused by the trauma and work towards healing and growth.
What happened to us was traumatic, and the best and healthiest thing we can do is not to perpetuate it or spread the damage that the narcissist caused, to the world around us. By taking care of ourselves and becoming our own shield, we can prevent the trauma from being passed on and create a healthy and peaceful atmosphere in our own environment.
Possible Signs of Being Triggered
- Feeling powerless
- Feeling attacked
- Feeling judged
- Feeling unheard
- Feeling blamed
- Feeling disrespected
- Feeling lonely
- Feeling excluded
- Afraid to be honest
- Feeling forgotten
- Feeling manipulated
- Feeling controlled
- Feeling trapped
- Feeling unsafe
- Feeling disconnected
- Feeling avoidant
- Feeling angry
- Feeling unloved
- Running away
It is perfectly normal to feel such feelings when you are in an unhealthy environment and interact with unsafe people. However, these feelings may come up unexpectedly and fool you into believing that the same situation is being replayed over again, when the reality is that it isn’t. Be sure to communicate clearly and be mindful of your feelings when you are among safe people, as you could be feeling triggered.
Here are some specific things you can say:
- “I need to take a break right now. Can we continue this conversation later?”
- “I’m feeling really overwhelmed and I need some time alone to calm down.”
- “I’m feeling uncomfortable and I need to step away from this situation.”
- “My heart is racing and I’m feeling really anxious. Can we slow down for a moment?”
- “I’m struggling to talk about this topic right now. Can we talk about something else?”
- “I’m feeling really upset and I need your support right now.”
- “This situation is triggering for me and I need to set a boundary to keep myself safe.”
- “I’m in a lot of emotional pain and I need help to work through this.”
- “I’m feeling really tense and uncomfortable right now. Can we take a break?”
- “I’m having a physical reaction to this situation and I need to step back.”
- “This topic is bringing up a lot of difficult emotions for me. Can we talk about it in a different way?”
- “I’m feeling really vulnerable right now and I need to protect myself.”
- “I’m struggling to stay present in this conversation. Can we take a moment to regroup?”
- “I’m feeling triggered and I need to find a way to ground myself.”
- “I’m having a hard time managing my emotions right now. Can we slow down and take things one step at a time?”
- “I’m feeling really hurt and I need to take care of myself.”
While our perceptions give our life meaning and direction, they also act as blockers to the unknown. Once we become set in our ways, it become harder to change. Be aware of this as you focus on your healing and personal growth.
Being in sync with the present means being aware of and open to new perspectives and experiences. It means not allowing our past experiences and perceptions to blind us to new possibilities and opportunities. It requires being mindful of our assumptions and being willing to question them. It also means being willing to listen and consider different viewpoints, rather than jumping to conclusions. In this way, we can expand our understanding of the world and ourselves, and live in a more open, authentic, and meaningful way.
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THE CONTENTS OF THIS WEBSITE ARE NOT MEANT TO SUBSTITUTE FOR PROFESSIONAL HELP AND COUNSELING. THE READERS ARE DISCOURAGED FROM USING IT FOR DIAGNOSTIC OR THERAPEUTIC ENDS. THE DIAGNOSIS AND TREATMENT OF NARCISSISTIC PERSONALITY DISORDER CAN ONLY BE DONE BY PROFESSIONALS SPECIFICALLY TRAINED AND QUALIFIED TO DO SO. THE AUTHOR IS NOT A MENTAL HEALTH PROFESSIONAL. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE.