Stop Giving Away Your Power to Everyone Else Willingly

Published on: May 27, 2023

When we give our power away, we allow others to have control over our emotions, decisions, and sense of self-worth.

How Do We Give Our Power Away?

Giving our power away to others can manifest in different ways, each of which undermines our personal agency and diminishes our sense of autonomy.

Relying Heavily on Others’ Opinions Without Factoring in Your Own

We may constantly seek feedback and validation from others, allowing their perspectives to shape how we view ourselves. In doing so, we relinquish our own authority and hand over the power to define who we are to others. This can lead to a constant need for external validation, as our self-esteem becomes contingent on others’ approval.

Allowing Others to Make Decisions on Our Behalf

When we allow others to make decisions for us, we surrender our autonomy and agency. This can happen when we lack confidence in our own judgment or fear taking responsibility for the outcomes of our choices. By deferring decision-making to others, we not only deny ourselves the opportunity to exercise our own free will but also run the risk of being led astray from our true desires and aspirations. This can leave us feeling disconnected from our own needs and passions.

The common theme is that we give away our power and authority to others by relying on external sources to validate our self-worth, shape our self-image, and make important life choices. In doing so, we diminish our ability to assert our own desires, exercise our autonomy, and live in alignment with our true selves.

The Overwhelming desire for acceptance

The desire for acceptance and validation from others is a natural aspect of human psychology. We seek approval and recognition as a means to validate our worth and establish a sense of belonging. However, when our need for external validation becomes excessive, it can lead us to relinquish our own power and autonomy.

When we rely heavily on external validation, we inadvertently grant others the power to dictate our self-worth and control our choices. Our attention becomes consumed by the opinions and judgments of others, causing us to lose sight of our authentic selves. In this process, we disconnect from our inner world, prioritizing the satisfaction of external influences while neglecting our own essence. It’s almost as if our existence hinges on pleasing the world around us.

This overreliance on external validation can be detrimental to our sense of identity and personal growth. We may find ourselves constantly seeking validation from others, seeking their approval before making choices or expressing our true thoughts and emotions. We become dependent on their opinions to define our self-worth, neglecting our own inner compass.

Fear of Rejection

The fear of rejection can significantly impact our ability to assert ourselves and maintain personal power. The worry of facing criticism or disapproval often leads us to prioritize the opinions and desires of others over our own. However, it is important to recognize that there is a false limiting belief at play here. Asserting ourselves does not necessarily lead to conflict. It is possible to assert ourselves respectfully and calmly, andit is worth noting that people who reject us for having our own opinions may not be the best individuals to have in our lives. Prioritizing harmony in relationships should not come at the expense of suppressing our individuality and uniqueness. We are not meant to conform to someone else’s molds or predetermined ideas of who we should be; we are born to be ourselves.

Growing up in such a toxic environment, we internalize the belief that we are not worthy of acceptance or love. This leads us to reject ourselves preemptively, as a way to protect ourselves from the potential pain of further rejection. Our fear of repeating the traumas we endured at home drives us to avoid situations that could trigger similar experiences.

This fear of rejection becomes a self-protective mechanism that prevents us from truly exploring and understanding our authentic selves. We become hesitant to assert our boundaries, express our true feelings, and make decisions that align with our values and aspirations. Our environment has conditioned us to believe that our own thoughts, emotions, and desires are not valid or worthy of acceptance, and we believe it.

Lack of Self-Confidence

When we have low self-esteem and doubt our abilities, it becomes challenging to assert ourselves and make decisions confidently. We may constantly second-guess our choices and rely on others to guide us, believing that they know what is best for us.

In this process, there is a problem of self-trust at hand. We struggle to believe in our own capabilities and undermine our skills and worth. This pattern is neither healthy nor constructive, as it diminishes our sense of agency and self-reliance.

When we lack self-confidence, we may find ourselves seeking validation and approval from external sources. We give away our power by placing the opinions and judgments of others above our own. This dependence on external validation reinforces the belief that others are more capable or knowledgeable, further eroding our self-confidence.

Conditioning and Socialization

Conditioning and socialization greatly influence our perception of power dynamics. Societal norms, cultural expectations, and upbringing all play a significant role in shaping how we interact with power.

From a young age, we are often taught to prioritize the needs and opinions of others, especially those in positions of authority or those whom we perceive as more knowledgeable or experienced. This emphasis on deferring to others can create a habit of giving away our power, as we constantly seek validation and approval from external sources.

In the context of coming from a dysfunctional narcissistic family system, the conditioning becomes even more pronounced. Caretakers within such a system condition their children to believe that love is conditional, contingent upon what they can give rather than who they are as individuals. The dysfunctional dynamic within a narcissistic family revolves around constantly pleasing the dysregulated narcissistic parent, leaving little room for self-empowerment or the recognition of our own agency.

As a result, we may not have been taught that we possess the power to rely on ourselves and make independent decisions. The overwhelming focus on meeting the needs of the narcissistic parent perpetuates a sense of powerlessness and dependency.

These societal and cultural influences shape our behaviors and can make it easier for us to give away our power. The conditioning to prioritize others’ needs and opinions over our own can lead to a diminished sense of self-worth and a reluctance to assert ourselves. Recognizing these influences and actively challenging them is essential in reclaiming our power and establishing a healthier balance in power dynamics.

Avoidance of Responsibility

Sometimes, it can feel easier to avoid taking ownership of our own lives, decisions, and emotions. We may choose to relinquish control and let others take charge, providing us with a temporary sense of relief from the burden of making choices and dealing with potential consequences. This avoidance of responsibility can stem from various factors, including our upbringing in a dysfunctional family.

In dysfunctional families, children are often conditioned to believe that mistakes are unforgivable offenses and that any misstep defines their entire personality. This creates a deep-rooted fear of making mistakes and taking accountability for them. The consequences of errors may have been magnified and used to shame or belittle individuals, leaving a lasting impact on their perception of responsibility.

Within a dysfunctional family, mistakes become intertwined with shame, abuse, and abandonment. This environment fosters a profound fear of making any mistakes, as they are seen as reflections of personal worth and can lead to severe consequences.

In contrast, healthy families recognize that mistakes are a natural part of life and focus on correcting the wrong actions rather than defining the entire personality of an individual based on those actions. They promote a sense of accountability that allows for growth and learning from mistakes. Healthy caregivers understand that mistakes provide valuable opportunities for personal development and encourage their children to take responsibility for their actions in a nurturing and supportive manner.

Overcoming the avoidance of responsibility requires breaking free from the conditioning of a dysfunctional family system. It involves challenging the belief that mistakes define our worth and embracing the understanding that mistakes are opportunities for growth

Reclaiming our power

Reclaiming your power involves recognizing your inherent worth and the ability to make choices that align with your values and aspirations. It means acknowledging that your opinions, needs, and desires are valid and worthy of consideration.

Ask Yourself: What do you Want?

Take a moment to create some space for yourself. Shut out the noise of the world and give yourself permission to focus inward.

If there were no limitations, no judgment, and no fear holding you back, what would you want to do?

Think about the activities, hobbies, or interests that truly light you up. What brings you joy and excitement? Consider the moments when you feel most alive and engaged. Identify those passions that make your heart sing.

Reflect on your values and what matters most to you. What do you deeply care about? Is it making a positive impact on others, pursuing personal growth, fostering meaningful relationships, or contributing to a cause you believe in? Clarify your core values and let them guide your decisions.

Listening to your own voice doesn’t have to be a grand leap all at once. Start by incorporating small actions aligned with your passions and values into your daily life. Experiment, explore, and allow yourself to learn and grow along the way.

Embrace your Inner-Fool

You don’t need to be perfect to have your voice heard. That is a false limiting belief. In fact, it is precisely those imperfections to give rise to the unique and creative individual that you are.

Every significant journey begins with a humble fool stepping into uncharted territory. Mistakes are an integral part of this exhilarating exploration. When we fear being seen as foolish, we suppress our authentic selves and hinder our potential.

Think of the fool as a character brimming with curiosity, spontaneity, and a willingness to learn. They understand that making errors is an essential aspect of growth and transformation. Just as a budding flower needs room to bloom, embracing your inner fool allows you to flourish and evolve.

When we constantly strive for flawlessness and seek validation from others, we confine ourselves within self-imposed limitations. Our fear of appearing foolish restricts our ability to take risks and express our true selves authentically.

But what if we relinquish that fear? What if we grant ourselves permission to stumble and falter, knowing that these experiences are stepping stones toward self-discovery? By embracing our inner fool, we break free from the chains of perfectionism and unlock a world of boundless possibilities.

Embracing your inner fool means finding humor in your missteps, celebrating the process of learning, and embracing the unpredictable nature of life. It means approaching new challenges with a playful spirit and an open heart. The fool within you holds the key to unlocking your creativity, resilience, and untapped potential.

Nobody is perfect, and that’s perfectly okay. However, when you allow yourself to be true to who you are and bravely take steps towards embracing your authentic self, you will discover a unique kind of perfection that is meant for you and you alone. It’s about being true to yourself and trusting in your own journey.

Get to Know your Non-Negotiables

These two aspects are essential in protecting your individuality and maintaining healthy relationships.

Boundaries act as a clear line that defines where you end and others begin. They are important for your well-being and have nothing to do with how much you love someone. For example, if someone offers you strawberry ice cream and you don’t like it, saying no thank you doesn’t diminish your love for that person. It simply reflects your personal preference. Boundaries are normal and necessary, helping you establish and maintain your own identity separate from others.

Another example is setting a boundary with someone who has repeatedly hurt you or disrespected you. You have every right to protect yourself by limiting or cutting off contact with that person. Those who truly care about you will respect your decision and not pressure you into maintaining a relationship that is harmful to your well-being. Each person has their own tolerance level, and it’s important to honor your own boundaries.

Learning to say “no” without guilt or fear of disappointing others is vital. Prioritizing your own well-being and needs is not selfish but necessary for your inner peace and overall happiness.

Empowering Yourself

Fear has a way of paralyzing us, holding us back from taking risks or pursuing our aspirations. It becomes a barrier that limits our growth and stifles our potential.

By shifting our perspective and embracing curiosity, we can break free from the grip of fear. Curiosity opens up new possibilities and allows us to explore uncharted territories. Instead of being trapped in a cycle of worry and doubt, we approach challenges with a sense of wonder and an eagerness to learn.

When we view fear as an invitation to discover, we become more open to taking calculated risks and stepping outside our comfort zones. Curiosity empowers us to ask questions, seek knowledge, and gain a deeper understanding of ourselves and the world around us. It encourages us to confront our fears head-on and dismantle the limiting beliefs that hold us back.

Curiosity reminds us that there is always something new to learn, experience, and achieve. By embracing curiosity, we reclaim our power and take control of our lives, no longer allowing fear to dictate our choices or define our self-worth.