The 5 Essential Principles for a Happy Life
Published on:
What does it mean to be happy? At the end of the day, there’s no question that everyone is in pursuit of sustainable happiness. But what is it, exactly?
Happiness is an emotional state of well-being defined by a general feeling of joy and contentment. And while some people might be predisposed to happiness by their genes and early life circumstances, the good news is that there are things we can do to influence our own happiness no matter what life threw at us along the way. (If you are a survivor, bear with me for a moment.)
The Factors at Play
There are several factors that affect our overall happiness, but three primary ones are particularly noteworthy. The first is our “happiness set point,” which is primarily determined by genetics and other inherent factors. The second factor is our life circumstances, including our social status and family situation. Unfortunately, these two factors often receive the most attention, and if we’ve had unfavorable experiences in these areas, it can seem as if happiness is forever out of reach.
However, there is a third factor, which is actually the most important of all. Intentional and voluntary activities that we choose to engage in have a huge impact on our happiness, (up to a 60% increase according to experts). So, while certain factors hinder our happiness, we still have a great deal of agency over our own well-being through our actions and choices.
Every day, the choices we make possess the potential to bring us closer to happiness. To achieve this, it’s important to train yourself to concentrate on what you can control.
Happiness is related to things like optimism, coping with challenges, physical health, and creativity. And in general, striving for happiness has a domino effect on life in the long term. Developing greater well-being can positively affect us in all areas of life, including our physical well-being, social connections, and even our immune system.
Engaging in intentional and voluntary activities can be the most effective means of attaining lasting happiness. With this is mind, let’s bring our attention toward what we can in fact control.
Train Your Mind to Focus on Gratitude Instead of Shortcomings (Survivors Bear With me for a Moment)
Having personally experienced narcissistic abuse, I can empathize with the frustration of being advised to “just be grateful,” as if it could somehow magically solve all of our problems and erase the trauma we’ve endured. In fact, this advice can serve as a painful reminder of the times when we were expected to feel grateful for receiving scraps of conditional love, often to leverage abuse, or even worse, when we were wrongly blamed for the abuse we suffered and were expected to maintain a façade of positivity despite our traumatic experiences.
Learn more about conditional vs unconditional love for the family scapegoat here
Learn more about covert narcissism here
However, gratitude and toxic positivity are not the same thing. It’s understandable that it’s hard to feel grateful when, as a survivor of your life’s circumstances, at some point you’ve been deprived of love, safety, and dignity. But unlike toxic positivity, gratitude practice does not discount or negate your experiences. Yes, they did happen, and you must take the time to grieve your losses. But you also have the right to pursue happiness in this life and to create a peaceful future for yourself.
As a human being, you have an inherent right to peace and happiness. Do not forget it.
And in order to do this, you must train your mind and body to look for it.
Our trauma or negative life circumstances have wired our brains to focus on what’s lacking, what’s wrong, and what’s dangerous. We must purposefully and resolutely redirect our attention towards the positive, the real, and the achievable. Why? Because by doing this, we reclaim our power back.
The power of gratitude is not just about feeling happy or content. It’s about reclaiming our agency, our voice, and our worth. It’s about recognizing that even in the darkest moments, there is something to be thankful for, even if it’s just the fact that we are still breathing. It’s not a cure-all, but it’s a tool we can use to survive and thrive, even in the face of unspeakable pain.
To get started, try this simple exercise: think about three things that you’re thankful for. These can be small things that benefit you right now - like being able to spend time outside in the sun, having a pet in your life, or feeling safe and secure. The key is to focus on things that bring you joy and gratitude.
Do this exercise once a week for ten weeks, and you’ll start to notice a shift in your mindset away from the negative and towards the positive. Instead of dwelling on what’s bringing you down, you’ll be more focused on what brings you up.
It’s important to note that there’s no need to overdo this exercise. Doing it every day might actually backfire and make you feel like you’re striving too hard for happiness. Instead, try to keep it casual and do it once a week. And if you’re struggling to come up with things to be grateful for, remember that they can be simple and small. The point is to cultivate a sense of gratitude and appreciation for what’s good in your life.
Keeping a mindfulness journal can also be helpful in tracking your progress and reflecting on the positive changes in your thinking patterns. So why not give it a try? With just a few minutes each week, you can start to rewire your thinking patterns and cultivate a greater sense of gratitude and well-being in your life.
Simplify your life
Our lives have become increasingly complex with the abundance of choices that we have at our fingertips. While it may seem like a luxury to have so many options, it can actually complicate our lives and detract from what truly matters. For example, something as simple as buying jam at the grocery store can turn into an overwhelming task, with countless brands, flavors, and ingredients to choose from.
Research has shown that there are two types of decision-makers: maximizers and satisficers. Maximizers are those who want to survey all of the available options before making a decision, while satisficers are content with making a quick, simple choice based on their needs and preferences. Interestingly, studies have found that maximizers tend to be less happy and satisfied with their choices than satisficers.
By simplifying your life and making choices based on your own needs and preferences, you can free up mental resources and reduce decision fatigue. This can lead to a more fulfilling and satisfying life. Instead of spending hours weighing the pros and cons of every option, you can focus on what is important to you and make a decision quickly and efficiently.
Simplifying your life can also help you prioritize what truly matters. By cutting out the excess and focusing on what brings you joy and fulfillment, you can create a more meaningful life. This can involve decluttering your home, simplifying your schedule, or prioritizing your relationships and hobbies.
Overall, simplifying your life can lead to less stress, more happiness, and a greater sense of fulfillment. By reducing the complexity of your choices and focusing on what truly matters, you can create a life that is both simple and satisfying.
Random acts of kindness
Random acts of kindness can have a significant impact not only on the person receiving the kindness, but also on the giver. Engaging in small acts of kindness on a regular basis can create a sense of community and a feeling of interconnectedness with others. It can also help to boost your self-esteem and improve your overall mood.
It’s important to remember that random acts of kindness don’t have to be grand gestures. Instead, focus on small opportunities for simple acts of kindness that you can do without going beyond your comfort level. For instance, holding the door for someone, letting someone go ahead of you in line, or offering a smile or kind word to a stranger can go a long way in brightening someone’s day.
Keeping track of your acts of kindness can also be a helpful way to stay motivated and see the positive impact you’re making in the world. You can use a journal or a simple notepad to jot down what you did and how it made you feel.
Ultimately, the goal of random acts of kindness is to spread positivity and create a ripple effect of kindness. So, the next time you have an opportunity to do something kind for someone, take it. You never know how much it could mean to them, and how much it could brighten your own day in return.
The Mind-Body Connection: How Your Body Can Influence Your Mindset
The mind-body connection is a complex and fascinating phenomenon that has been studied by scientists and psychologists for decades. It is a two-way communication system, where the mind influences the body, and the body, in turn, affects the mind.
One of the most powerful ways to harness this connection is by actively engaging in activities that promote happiness and positivity. For instance, something as simple as smiling can have a significant impact on your mood. Research shows that when you activate the muscles in your face that are used for smiling, it sends a signal to your brain that you are happy, even if you’re not. This can lead to a cascade of positive emotions and help boost your mood.
Similarly, engaging in physical activities like taking a walk, dancing, or any form of exercise can have a profound effect on your mental state. Exercise releases endorphins, which are natural chemicals in your body that can boost your mood and reduce stress. It can also help increase your confidence and self-esteem, which can contribute to a more positive outlook on life.
Furthermore, paying attention to your posture can also influence your mindset. Standing up straight with your shoulders back and head held high can signal to your brain that you are confident and in control. This can help improve your mood and self-esteem and create a more positive mindset.
By consciously choosing to engage in positive activities, even when you don’t feel like it, you can train your mind to follow your body and create a more positive mindset over time. This can lead to a happier, more fulfilling life. The mind-body connection is a powerful tool that can be used to improve your mental health and wellbeing, and it is something that everyone can benefit from.
Strike up a Friendly Conversation with a Random Person
Striking up a conversation with a stranger can seem intimidating, but it can also be an opportunity to connect with someone new and potentially brighten both of your days. In today’s fast-paced world, it’s easy to feel disconnected from others, but taking the time to engage in friendly conversation can help build a sense of community.
While it’s important to be cautious and aware of your surroundings, there are plenty of ways to strike up a conversation in a safe and respectful manner. You might start by offering a compliment or expressing gratitude to someone who provides you with good service, such as a cashier or barista. This can help foster a positive atmosphere and make the other person feel appreciated.
Another approach might be to ask for someone’s opinion or advice on a topic that you both have in common, such as a product at the store or a local event. This can be a great way to break the ice and start a conversation on a positive note.
By engaging in small acts of kindness and friendly conversation with strangers, you can help create a more connected and positive community. Just remember to be respectful of boundaries and personal space, and to approach these interactions with an open and friendly attitude.
Taking charge of your well-being requires an active effort on your part. You cannot simply wait for things to magically fall into place. Instead, you need to take small but consistent steps to achieve your goals. It is important to understand that the process of making a change can be difficult and may require you to overcome your negative thoughts and beliefs. These negative pulls often come from your subconscious and can be a significant challenge to overcome. However, by taking small steps and exercises towards your well-being, you can gradually build momentum and make progress. It may seem overwhelming at first, but as you continue to make these efforts, you will find that it becomes easier over time. Remember, the journey towards well-being is a continuous process that requires patience, perseverance, and a willingness to keep moving forward.
Published on:
THE CONTENTS OF THIS WEBSITE ARE NOT MEANT TO SUBSTITUTE FOR PROFESSIONAL HELP AND COUNSELING. THE READERS ARE DISCOURAGED FROM USING IT FOR DIAGNOSTIC OR THERAPEUTIC ENDS. THE DIAGNOSIS AND TREATMENT OF NARCISSISTIC PERSONALITY DISORDER CAN ONLY BE DONE BY PROFESSIONALS SPECIFICALLY TRAINED AND QUALIFIED TO DO SO. THE AUTHOR IS NOT A MENTAL HEALTH PROFESSIONAL. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE.