Wants vs Needs and the importance of relying on yourself for fulfillment

Published on: July 28, 2022

by Art Florentyna

Personal Development Coach

What Is an Emotional Need?

An emotional need is a deep-seated requirement or desire for a specific type of emotional experience or connection. It refers to the psychological and mental states that are necessary for an individual’s well-being, happiness, and fulfillment. Emotional needs include the desire for love, affection, security, self-esteem, personal growth, and a sense of belonging. These needs are often unconscious and stem from a person’s childhood experiences and form the foundation of their sense of self. Fulfilling these needs is critical for an individual’s emotional health and overall happiness.

To honor your emotional needs is to give yourself permission to live an authentic joyful life.

A Need Is Not to Be Confused with a Want

A need is essential for our survival and fundamental to our emotional and physical health. On the other hand, a want is a desire for immediate gratification, often fueled by our impulses and sensory cravings.

While wants may provide temporary pleasure, they are not sustainable sources of happiness and contentment. In fact, focusing solely on our wants can lead to a never-ending cycle of seeking pleasure and never finding true fulfillment. Wants, such as indulging in unhealthy habits like overeating, excessive drinking or substance abuse, can harm our well-being and negatively impact our lives.

In contrast, fulfilling our needs promotes a sense of stability and security, essential components of long-term happiness and inner peace. By prioritizing our needs, we can focus on what truly matters and find satisfaction in a fulfilling and meaningful life.

It’s important to remember that wants are fleeting, whereas our needs are the foundation of our well-being. Focusing on our needs, rather than our wants, helps us cultivate a strong sense of self-awareness and inner peace.

What are some examples of wants?

• A new car
• A bigger house
• A luxurious vacation
• The latest smartphone
• Designer clothing
• Expensive jewelry

Learning to Fulfill Our Needs

We must learn to prioritize our emotional needs if we desire a fulfilling and happy life. These needs are highly personal and can differ widely from one individual to the next. Therefore, it is essential to accept and recognize the uniqueness of each person’s emotional needs, as this is a beautiful aspect of our individuality.

Relying solely on other people to fulfill all of our emotional needs is an unsustainable and potentially damaging approach to happiness. It places an unreasonable burden on the other person and can lead to feelings of frustration, disappointment, and even resentment. Moreover, it is unrealistic to expect that one person can fulfill all of our emotional needs, just as we cannot fulfill all of theirs.

While it’s important to seek emotional fulfillment in relationships, it’s equally important to work on fulfilling our needs independently from other people. We must recognize and take ownership of our emotional needs, actively work towards fulfilling them, and acknowledge the unique needs of those around us. This self-awareness and mutual respect can lead to healthier and more fulfilling relationships as well as living a fulfilling and happy life.

Be Clear and Precise in Expressing Your Needs

Expressing your needs in a healthy and non-demanding way can help you communicate more effectively with others and strengthen your relationships. Here are some tips for appropriately expressing your needs:

• Be clear and specific: If you need your partner to spend more quality time with you, you can say something like “I feel like we haven’t been spending as much quality time together lately, and it’s really important to me. Could we schedule a weekly date night to prioritize our time together?”
• Use “I” statements: If you’re feeling unsupported by your partner, you can say something like “I’m feeling really overwhelmed and could use some support right now. Could you help me brainstorm some solutions?” This is less confrontational than saying “You’re not being supportive and it’s not okay.”
• Avoid blaming or accusing: If your significant other hasn’t been showing affection as much, you can say something like “I’ve noticed that we haven’t been as affectionate lately. How can we work together to make sure we both feel loved and supported?”
• Be willing to compromise: If you and your partner have different ideas about where to go on a weekend getaway, you can try to find a compromise by suggesting a destination that has something you both enjoy. For example, if you want to go to the city and your partner wants to go camping, you could suggest a destination that has both options.
• Listen actively: If your friend is upset about something, you can listen actively by asking questions and trying to understand their perspective. For example, you could say “It sounds like you’re really frustrated about what happened. Can you tell me more about how you’re feeling?”
• Express gratitude: If your partner does something thoughtful for you, you can express gratitude by saying something like “Thank you so much for planning a special night out. I really appreciate the effort you put into making me feel loved and appreciated.” This helps build a positive and supportive relationship in your partnership.

Evaluate Your Approach

When expressing a need, it is important to approach the situation thoughtfully and carefully. Considering the following questions can help ensure that you are communicating effectively and increasing your chances of having your needs met:

• Am I talking to the right person? Before expressing your need, consider if the person you are speaking to is the right person to address the situation. Ask yourself if they have the ability or resources to help you fulfill your need.
• Is this the only person who can satisfy this need? Consider if there are other individuals or resources that can help you fulfill your need. It’s important to avoid placing the burden of fulfilling all your needs on one person, as this can be overwhelming and unfair.
• Did I choose the right time to talk to this person? Timing can be crucial in effective communication. Choose a time and place where the other person is receptive and attentive to your message.
• Was I clear and precise in expressing my need? Clearly articulating your need and how the other person can help you meet it is essential. Be specific and precise in your language and make sure the other person understands what you’re asking for.

By considering these questions before expressing your need, you can communicate more effectively and increase the chances of having your needs met. It also helps promote healthy and respectful relationships, as it shows consideration for the other person’s time and resources while still expressing your own needs in a clear and concise manner.

Published on: July 28, 2022

by Art Florentyna

Personal Development Coach