What's the Deal with Self-Validation? How Do I Learn to Validate Myself?

Published on: June 1, 2023

by Art Florentyna

Personal Development Coach

“Sure, I want to validate myself, but how do I actually do it?”

Self-validation is not a simple switch we can flip. It’s a process that requires self-reflection and awareness. Although we may intellectually grasp the importance of validating ourselves, our bodies and emotions often tell a different story.

Getting to Know Your Inner Saboteur

• Understanding the Inner Saboteur

Deep within each of us resides an inner saboteur—a whispering voice that resists change and clings to the familiar. It’s a shared aspect of the human experience, ingrained in our collective unconscious. We all recognize emotions like anger, fear, sadness, and joy. Likewise, we’ve all encountered this inner saboteur, though it doesn’t manifest as a distinct, loud voice. Instead, its presence is subtle, exerting a gentle tug in our actions and decisions.

Sometimes, detecting the inner saboteur is straightforward—choosing between an apple and a bag of chips, for example. But at other times, it hides in the shadows, evading our conscious awareness. It reveals itself through micro pulls—those subtle impulses we feel with each choice we make. It may manifest as the fear of expressing our true feelings as we fear what will happen to us when we reveal our true selves. It may manifest as a fear that holds us back from sharing something that we have created, or starting a business out of fear of failure, or it may manifest as the fear of the unknown preventing us from leaving a toxic relationship. The inner saboteur exerts its influence in various areas of our lives.

Understanding this inner saboteur is pivotal on our journey toward self-validation. It begins with recognizing that doubts and fears are universal experiences. We are not alone in navigating the internal struggle between comfort and growth. By acknowledging our shared humanity, we can begin dismantling the influence of the inner saboteur.

• Pushing Past the Inner Saboteur

Beware: The inner saboteur will always make its presence known when you stand at the crossroads between empowering yourself and surrendering to familiar old habits. Sometimes, it sneaks in subtly, like a whisper in the wind. Other times, it roars like a thunderstorm, demanding your attention. Regardless of its form, the inner saboteur exerts a powerful influence on your decisions as you strive for personal growth. It’s essential to develop the skill of spotting its sneaky tactics deep within yourself, especially in those small moments when you make choices – the simple yes or no moments.

The inner saboteur’s pull can sometimes feel immense, like an enormous boulder blocking your path. It manifests as fear, fatigue, hopelessness, or an overwhelming weight that seems impossible to shed. But here’s the thrilling part: every time you consciously defy that negative tug of the inner saboteur, no matter how seemingly insignificant the action, you are actively building your self-esteem and validating your authentic self. It could be as effortless as stepping outside to bask in the warm sunlight or summoning the courage to express your thoughts and let your voice resound. These seemingly small acts hold incredible power. They serve as reminders of your worth and fortify your self-esteem.

You Are Not the Odd One Out

Acknowledge that you are not alone in this journey. Every person on this planet possesses their own unique set of gifts, talents, and experiences. You are not the odd one out; your experiences hold value. Just like everyone else, you have something special within you that can make a difference in the world. If you find it hard to believe, it’s because your inner saboteur has taken control, clouding your perception.

Unfortunately, that sneaky inner saboteur loves to undermine your self-belief and hinder your full potential. It tries to hold you back, but you have the power to break free from its grip.

You are deserving of love, respect, and validation. Your feelings are valid, and your dreams and aspirations hold significant meaning. Don’t let that inner saboteur deceive you into thinking otherwise. It’s not an easy task to push back against its negative influence, but with each step you take, the process becomes more manageable.

Reps, Reps, and More Reps

Just like hitting the gym to build your muscles, developing self-esteem and mastering self-validation takes dedication and persistence. It’s all about those repetitions. Similar to how each repetition at the gym strengthens your muscles, each act of self-validation strengthens your sense of self-worth.

But let’s be real here. This process takes time, and it’s completely normal to experience a rollercoaster of emotions along the way. You may feel exhausted, frustrated, and even question if all your efforts are in vain. However, despite how you may feel in the moment, every time you push back against your inner saboteur and take steps to empower yourself, you’re making progress.

At first, the changes may not be visible, just like when you start going to the gym. You won’t magically have the perfect physique after a week. Maybe not even after six months. But fast forward to a year or two later, and you’ll realize the true impact of all those micro pushes, all those repetitions. They add up, creating a remarkable transformation as a whole.

Remember, there are no overnight miracles in this journey. It’s a gradual process that demands consistent effort. Just as you would commit to regular workouts at the gym if your goal was to get in good physical shape, comiting to regularly practicing self-validation by pushing back against the inner impostor works the same way. Each time you consciously recognize your worth, challenge self-doubt, and embrace self-compassion, you’re completing another rep in your self-esteem journey.

Do Not Compare Yourself to Others

Take the time to recognize and celebrate the small victories that occur as you triumph over the inner impostor, no matter how minor they may seem. Each step you take, no matter how small, is a testament to your strength and resilience. So, pause and acknowledge your achievements, however big or small they may be. They are a reflection of your progress and growth.

Avoid the trap of comparing yourself to others. Instead, focus on your own journey and measure your success against your own past self. Ask yourself, “Am I better today than I was yesterday?” That’s the real gauge of your progress. By setting your sights on personal improvement and growth, you free yourself from the burden of comparison and open up space for self-acceptance and self-validation.

Nurture Yourself (Even If You Don’t Feel Like It)

Take the time to care for yourself holistically. Prioritize activities that promote your overall well-being and nourish every aspect of who you are. Start by recognizing the significance of physical exercise and mindful choices in your daily life. Engaging in regular physical activity not only strengthens your body but also enhances your mental and emotional well-being. Remember to listen to your body’s needs for movement and make it a priority in your routine.

Additionally, be mindful of what you consume. Opt for nourishing foods that fuel your body and provide essential nutrients. Limit your intake of excessive sugar and processed foods, as they can negatively impact your energy levels and overall health. Remember, the choices you make about what you put into your body have a direct impact on how you feel about yourself

While learning to validate oneself may initially feel like an insurmountable task, building self-esteem serves as the foundation for self-validation. Acknowledging and confronting the inner impostor, pushing past its influence, and taking small steps towards empowerment are key to nurturing self-esteem. Remember that self-validation is a continuous process, requiring patience, perseverance, and self-compassion. By gradually cultivating self-esteem and challenging the inner impostor, you can develop a strong sense of self-worth and learn to validate yourself.

Published on: June 1, 2023

by Art Florentyna

Personal Development Coach