When the Scapegoat is Labelled as Crazy: The Weaponization of CPTSD in Narcissistic Family Systems

Published on: June 15, 2023

by Art Florentyna

Personal Development Coach

In narcissistic family systems, scapegoating emerges as a manipulative tactic where one member, known as the scapegoat, is unfairly singled out and blamed for the family’s problems. This strategy serves the selfish interests of the narcissistic individuals within the family by allowing them to deflect attention away from their own shortcomings and maintain control over the family dynamics.

The scapegoat plays a crucial role in upholding the family’s facade by becoming the designated “problem child.” This portrayal enables the narcissistic members to project a flawless image to the outside world, shielding them from scrutiny and preserving their reputation. Additionally, the act of blaming the scapegoat fuels the narcissist’s ego, reinforcing their inflated sense of self-importance and superiority. This dynamic further entrenches the scapegoat in a cycle of blame and victimization, perpetuating dysfunction and avoiding the genuine issues that require attention and resolution within the family.

Who Gets Chosen as the Scapegoat?

The scapegoat is often chosen because they possess certain traits that make them easier targets, such as:

• Vulnerability: More sensitive or empathetic individuals might be easier to manipulate emotionally.
• Non-Conformity: Those who question the family’s unhealthy dynamics or refuse to play along become threats to the narcissist’s control.
• Independent Spirit: Scapegoats might have a strong sense of self, making them more difficult to dominate.

Learn more about narcissistic family systems here

The Scapegoat’s Trauma Response:

Living under constant attack takes a toll. Here are some common trauma responses scapegoats experience:

• Hypervigilance: The scapegoat becomes overly alert to potential threats, constantly on guard against criticism or manipulation.
• Emotional Dysregulation: Chronic stress and emotional invalidation can lead to intense and unpredictable emotional reactions.
• Anxiety and Depression: Scapegoats often struggle with anxiety and depression due to the overwhelming negativity they face.
• Low Self-Esteem: Constant criticism and blame can chip away at the scapegoat’s sense of self-worth and confidence.
• Confusion and Self-Doubt: Gaslighting tactics can make the scapegoat question their own perceptions and sanity.

Maladaptive Behaviors as a Coping Mechanism:

In an attempt to cope with the trauma, scapegoats might develop maladaptive behaviors, including:

• People-Pleasing: This can be an attempt to gain approval and avoid further criticism.
• Rebellion: Some scapegoats may rebel against all family norms as a way to maintain some sense of self.
• Withdrawal and Isolation: Feeling unheard and misunderstood, the scapegoat might withdraw from family or social interactions.
• Self-Sabotage: Scapegoats may engage in self-destructive behaviors as a way of unconsciously fulfilling the negative expectations placed upon them.
• Anger and Resentment: The built-up frustration and anger can lead to outbursts or passive-aggressive behavior.

The scapegoat often finds themselves surrounded by people who, instead of offering support to escape a toxic environment, respond dismissively. They may hear statements like, “why don’t you just go along with it?” or “can’t you be more cautious?” Some might downplay the severity of the situation, saying, “they had a tough life; give them a break,” or “no family is perfect; this is normal.” These responses diminish the scapegoat’s very real targeting and abuse, further isolating them from necessary support.

Gaslighting comes into play, systematically distorting the scapegoat’s reality to induce self-doubt and confusion.

Constantly thrust into a fight-or-flight response, the scapegoat’s nervous system remains on high alert due to accumulating anxiety from ongoing turmoil. This extended stress response, triggered by persistent hostility from household authorities, dominates their experience.

Learn more about the Impact of narcissistic parenting on the nervous system

The scapegoat is unjustly labeled as mentally unstable, despite being consistently victimized by specific people within the household, repeatedly suffering the consequences of their actions.

This intentional characterization not only undermines the scapegoat’s credibility but also intensifies their isolation within the family structure.

The cunning aspect of narcissistic manipulation lies in the narcissist’s efforts to paint themselves as the victim, diverting attention from the true victim, who is pushed to their limits. Exploiting the scapegoat’s trauma becomes a central tactic in this strategy.

The “crazy” label becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy as ongoing emotional and psychological abuse exacerbates mental health challenges.

Breaking free from this destructive pattern requires the scapegoat to confront the silence surrounding their experiences. Seeking professional help, finding safe spaces and support, and connecting with people knowledgeable about narcissistic abuse are important steps in challenging the false narrative. Through these efforts, the scapegoat can begin to reclaim agency, rebuild their self-worth, and embark on a journey towards healing.

Key Points

Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (CPTSD) is a condition that can develop in response to prolonged exposure to traumatic events, particularly in situations where the individual experiences a lack of control, feels trapped, or is subjected to repeated trauma.

1. Exposure to Prolonged Trauma: CPTSD often arises from exposure to prolonged periods of abuse, such as chronic childhood abuse, neglect, domestic violence, warfare, or repeated bullying.
2. Impact on Identity: People with CPTSD may experience disruptions in their sense of self and identity. The repeated trauma can lead to a fragmented or distorted self-concept.
3. Emotional Dysregulation: CPTSD can result in difficulties regulating emotions. People may experience intense emotions, mood swings, and have trouble returning to a baseline emotional state after a triggering event.
4. Interpersonal Problems: Traumatic experiences can affect one’s ability to form and maintain healthy relationships. People with CPTSD may struggle with trust, intimacy, and may have difficulties in establishing and maintaining connections with others.
5. Negative Self-Perception: CPTSD can contribute to a negative self-perception. People may harbor feelings of shame, guilt, or a deep-seated belief that they are fundamentally flawed or unworthy.
6. Distorted Perceptions of the Perpetrator: People with CPTSD may have complex feelings towards those who perpetrated the trauma. This can include feelings of fear, anger, and even attachment or loyalty, creating a conflicted and confusing emotional landscape.
7. Difficulty with Attention and Concentration: Concentration and attention may be compromised in People with CPTSD, affecting their ability to focus on tasks or complete daily activities.
8. Hypervigilance: Due to the ongoing nature of trauma or a history of repeated traumas, People with CPTSD may develop hypervigilance—a heightened state of alertness and sensitivity to potential threats.
9. Physical Symptoms: CPTSD can manifest in physical symptoms such as headaches, gastrointestinal problems, and chronic pain.

What is a narcissistic family system

A narcissistic family system describes a family dynamic in which one or more members display narcissistic traits or behaviors. In such a system, the narcissist’s needs, desires, and emotions take precedence over those of other family members. This can create an unhealthy and dysfunctional environment that may negatively impact the emotional well-being of family members.

Key characteristics of a narcissistic family system may include:

1. Narcissistic Parental Figure: Typically, the narcissistic family system revolves around a parent with narcissistic traits or a diagnosed narcissistic personality disorder. This parent seeks constant admiration, lacks empathy, and may exploit others for personal gain.
2. Scapegoat and Golden Child: Roles within the family are often rigidly defined. The scapegoat is a family member who is unfairly blamed for problems, criticized, and often subjected to emotional or verbal abuse. The golden child, on the other hand, is idealized and may receive preferential treatment.
3. Lack of Boundaries: In a narcissistic family system, there is often a lack of healthy boundaries. Personal space, emotions, and individual needs may not be respected, leading to enmeshment and codependency.
4. Manipulation and Gaslighting: Narcissistic individuals in the family system may use manipulation and gaslighting techniques to control and confuse other family members. This can create a distorted reality where the narcissistic individual is always right, and others are made to doubt their own perceptions.
5. Emotional Neglect: The emotional needs of family members, especially the scapegoat, may be neglected. The focus is on maintaining the narcissistic parent’s self-image, and other family members’ emotional well-being is often sacrificed.
6. Lack of Accountability: The narcissistic individual rarely takes accountability for their actions. Instead, blame is shifted onto others, particularly the scapegoat, even when the narcissist is responsible for problems within the family.
7. Difficulty Expressing Individuality: Family members may find it challenging to express their individuality, pursue personal goals, or establish an identity separate from the narcissistic parent’s expectations.

Learn about narcissistic family systems here

DARVO:

DARVO stands for Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender. It’s a manipulative defense mechanism often used by abusers, including those in narcissistic family systems.

Deny: The first step is for the abuser to deny the accusations or claims made against them. They flatly reject any wrongdoing and act as if the allegations are baseless.

Attack: In the next phase, the abuser shifts the focus and attacks the victim, their accuser. They may criticize, blame, or accuse the victim of making false or exaggerated claims. This attack can take various forms, including character assassination.

Reverse Victim and Offender: Finally, the abuser flips the roles, turning themselves into the victim. They present themselves as the one who is actually suffering or being unjustly accused. This reversal of roles can confuse the real victim and those around them.

The relentless pursuit of narcissistic supply drives them to perpetuate a vicious cycle of abuse, primarily targeting their scapegoated child and causing profound emotional and psychological harm.

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Published on: June 15, 2023

by Art Florentyna

Personal Development Coach